(Not) The End

Wednesday, 14 June 2023
Last Saturday, 10 June 2023 was 1-year since diagnosis. On 10 June 2022, Simon and I sat at the computer at an Airbnb in Sunshine Beach. At 10:30 we dialled into a telehealth appointment with my GP. While the doctor at the radiation clinic had given me a brief on what it would likely be, I had not yet received a formal diagnosis based on the biopsy ie. size, type, treatment etc. I was nervous but positive. I didn’t feel sick so it couldn’t be that bad – right?! After receiving the news and a rundown on what the next steps would be (then having a little cry), Simon and I got on with our day. I go back to my first post above. I had no idea just how bad, awful, sad, painful the year would be.

You would think, by now, I would have experienced gratitude, an epiphany, some warrior-moment. I haven’t. Today, 1-year later I feel extreme loss. I feel ripped off. I’ve lost my hair, my partner, dignity, strength, self-esteem, oestrogen, fertility and sense of humour. Sure, I’m better at managing sadness and pain - and I was gifted a pair of ugg boots and a dressing gown but it still doesn’t seem like a fair split. Crazy thought but some days I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t mentioned The Lump to my GP. I would be none the wiser.

I feel this chapter has done its dash. It has been incredibly cathartic to write. Thank you for indulging me, for your patience and amazing kindness. You guys rock!!!